A Deeper Walk With God

                After a long day of work at the church, Jacob Kwon-tae Joo—my father—looked exhausted. It seemed like all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bend and hibernate all winter long. However, even though he was extremely tired, he took the time to have a conversation with me about his life. He jumped onto the couch—with his little, girly bow slipper sprawled onto his feet—crossed his legs and comfortably spread out his arms, patiently waiting for me to prepare my interview with him. Although he was exhausted, he managed to spread a smile across his face, revealing his enthusiasm to have a nice talk with me. My dad—being the person he is—started the interview with funny gestures. He started raising his eyebrows up and down, with a huge smirk on his face because he thought he was being funny. I sarcastically laughed at his actions, being assured that the interview would be a smooth one.

            With the intention of digging through the imperfects of my dad, I started with the question about his greatest childhood memory. It was very awkward, just staring at my dad, waiting for a response. I thought that since my dad was exhausted, the answer he would give me would be a short one—until he opened his mouth. “I remember going to the pond and catching tadpoles and dragonflies with the neighborhood kids and ate the head. It was almost like roasted beans. We ate the body, which tasted like meat. We didn’t eat the tail part or the wings… just the head and body. That’s really sick thinking about it, but we used to do that. It was good.” I gave my dad a strange look, and was about to move on to my next question, but he kept adding onto his childhood experiences. “My friends and I used to play at swamps to catch tadpoles and frogs. Even though I was around 5-6 years old, my mom was very strict. When you go to the marsh and catch tadpoles, your hands get very dirty. I couldn’t find any water to clean my hands, so I had my friend pee on them.”

            Although what my dad said was extremely funny, the mood of the interview changed instantly when the question shifted to the hardships my dad had to endure in his life. Without any hesitation, he comfortably answered my question freely. “My father passed away when I was ten… he died of aneurism. Since then, I guess my family was suffering financially, as well as emotionally. My mom was out all day making money. The family of five was living in a very small space where there was no washroom or kitchen… we had to use the public washroom. We were poor, and yet the poverty I was living through didn’t affect me too much. I think I have an excellent coping mechanism.” My dad continued to say how his mother had impacted his life the greatest. Although she was strict, she was a respectable, hard-working woman. “My mom had to raise five children all by herself because my dad passed away when I was in grade five. I guess you can say we were poorer. I respect my mother’s sacrifice.”

            Surprisingly, my dad changed the atmosphere very randomly. His eyes started to squint, with a smirk appearing on his face as he continued his story about his mother. “Once when I was in grade three, my friend and I went to my house because he wanted to go out and play. My mom asked me if I had any homework, and I lied to her. She asked my friend if I had any homework. My friend, being an honest person, said yes… I got beat up so much that day… she beat me up… From then on, I learned that you get great punishments when you lie.”

            The volume of my dad’s voice became quieter and sterner when the topic of his spiritual life approached him. He told his story about how he was not a Christian his whole life. “I was an atheist when I was in Korea… my mom prayed for me a log. I believed that God didn’t exist. I didn’t believe in any kind of spiritual things. I don’t know how… but one day I began to think about the universe and felt that my life was so short. I thought that there must be something beyond this world, so I decided to find out if there was a God.” By this time, my dad’s eyes were shut closed, as if he was praying. He covered half of his face with his hands, trying to recall the memories of his past. “This is when I decided to go to church with my mom. I quit my Sunday job working as a store cashier and told my mom that I wanted to go to church. She told me that if I didn’t want to commit in going every Sunday, to not even start.”

            I was shocked to see how my grandmother responded to my dad’s desire to go to church after praying for him for so long. However, what shocked me more was my dad’s determined will to find out the truth. His response to his mother sounded very certain. “I said to my mom, “You know my personality… when I start, I’m committed.”” He went on to say how he kept his promise to his mother until this very day.

            Although my dad went to church every Sunday, he was still an atheist. He did not understand Christianity, but knew that there was some sort of truth out in the world. Nonetheless, he kept his word, and was committed to go to church every week. “When I attended church, I tried so hard to find the truth about God… but because of my atheist background, I couldn’t believe in the Bible. I tried all kinds of things, like serving in the church choir, starting a Bible study group, and serving in various functions at the church. I read the Bible, prayed, fasted, and even witnessed to other people, but still couldn’t’ believe in Jesus Christ. I couldn’t’ believe that HE died on the cross for my sins. To me, it didn’t make sense. I just could not comprehend the Bible.”

            With a short pause, my dad continued his life’s journey. He finally told me how God intervened in his life after all the attempts he made on finding what the meaning of life was—when he least expected it. “About one year after I went to church, I got really sick and was lying in bed with a high fever. I was pondering about God, Jesus Christ, church, and faith. I remembered the pastor’s message saying that I had to repent my sins. This is when I got out of bed and knelt down to repent for my sins. AT the end of the prayer, I didn’t feel anything, see anything, or hear anything. I went back to sleep and about two days later—when I was walking down the street—I heard the voice of God, very clearly, saying that Jesus died for my sins. That was my salvation experience. I was 100% sure that I was saved, forgiven and a born again Christian.”

            With my dad’s previous response, there followed an obvious answer as to how and why he became a pastor. By this time, I could see the passion in his weary eyes, as my dad became more excited in talking about what he was truly passionate for—God. “I was always committed to church since day 1. But after I got saved, I was on fire for God. I was more committed to the ministry… I loved God and church. I had such a deep desire to serve God full time. I didn’t want money or fame. I felt in my heart that even if I could gain the whole world, I would not be happy unless I became a minister of the gospel It was my dream to share the message of the gospel… I knew that I wanted to become the church pastor. I was 100% clear in my heart.”

            My dad was aware of the fact that making the decision of becoming a pastor would also mean experiencing the hardships of one. However, with his passion and love for God came complete obedience and actions as a servant of Christ. “I really enjoy being a pastor. The hardship lies in my own inadequacies. There are so many needs in the church that people are coming with… so many problems and issues. I can’t meet their needs and demands because I’m not an emotional person. I am a very rational person. I don’t like to get emotionally involved in relationships. That’s too hard for me and emotionally draining. A lot of people in the church want attention, love, care, and want an emotional attachment to me. That is something I cannot provide, which leads to people getting dissatisfied… I just can’t do that.”

            After the interview, my dad became a new role model in my life. Although he faced many trails throughout his lifetime, God built him up in character to be more like Christ. He used my dad’s imperfection to humble himself into a man that ran to God whenever he was facing a trial in his life. From his childhood until now, he was determined to find the truth, and acted out based on what he felt was right. With his actions, came results. Although it took a while, God completely opened the door to my dad, showing him that He was the truth. My dad’s passion to serve Christ has led him to place himself in the lowest position in order to serve Christ to the fullest. He is continuously building up the everlasting relationship with Christ, gaining more attributes of His characteristics every day that passes. Through the past experiences that my dad has personally endured through, he has given words of wisdom saying, “Learn to trust God because He is in control. Be thankful for your own weaknesses and flaws because it leads you to depend on God, trust in Him, and make you humble.”